Pamela Anderson hit up an art gallery yesterday in Miami last night looking her just, wow, absolute classiest. I mean, heels with tiny leopard shorts that your ass hangs out of and one of Tommy Lee’s old hats? Jesus. I can only assume afterward she mounted a steed and went on a fox hunt with the Queen of England. Release the hounds! And then maybe the dogs, too, if you feel like it. Your call.

EDIT: NOT Fred Durst and added pics of Pamela inside the gallery. Someone explain to me how she was able to hug Paris Hilton without guys in HAZMAT suits busting down the door. What am I paying taxes for?

Paris Hilton went from Fairy Dust sprinkling to partying it up in L.A.! The stylish heiress was seen in a red miniskirt and lipstick to match last night in…

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Alright, guys, huge thanks for competing in our Botox giveway. Once we sift through this gargantuan pile of comments, we’ll be posting the winning caption right here on the site. In the meantime, feel free to scope out what your fellow readers came up with - or maybe even hook them up with the name of a good therapist. Just sayin’.

Thanks again to everyone that submitted a caption!

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With the holiday season rapidly approaching, nobody cares more about you looking awesome than The Superficial. No, really, that’s science. Which is why we’re offering you a chance to win $500 towards Botox treatment at a physician near you. (And, sorry, Sharon Stone, you can’t use it on your son’s feet..)

Starting Monday, Nov. 24 until 12 PM PST Monday, Dec. 1, here’s all you gotta do to enter:

1. Come up with a caption for the top photo.
2. Post it in the comment section along with a valid e-mail address which will NOT be published or used to sell you Mexican Viagra.
3. Think happy thoughts.

From there our crack team will pick the best caption with the winner receiving the aforementioned Botox goodness. To sweeten the pot, the winner will also be eligible to appear in a before/after post on The Superficial which, let’s be real, kicks the crap out of winning the lottery. (Don’t want your beautiful mug plastered on the Internet? No problem. We’ll still give you the free Botox. Who loves ya?)

Let the Games Begin!

Paris Hilton called into Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning to set the record straight on her relationship with Benji Madden. Supposedly, the two are “just talking a break,” and Paris hinted they could get back together, according to E! News:

“He is an incredible person, and we will always be really close,” Hilton said. “We will see what happens in the future. I am still in love with him.”
As for why they decided to go their separate ways for now…
“He has been working nonstop with his brother on his new record. I am working and traveling,” she said. “All these reports that say I dumped him aren’t true. This is a decision we made together as adults.”

The last time I was on a “break” from a relationship, I sat around in my boxers for days on end building LEGOs and watching porn. (Its been five years, but I know she’ll call me back as soon as her husband gives her the message.) I’m sure Benji Madden’s doing the same thing - or he’s frantically searching for a hooker that won’t make him wear a HAZMAT suit. I’m not a mind reader.

Fresh off his breakup with Paris Hilton, Benji Madden went out in Hollywood as a single man last night, and if I were him, I’d be grinning like I got doused in the face with Smylex gas. But probably even more so considering he just escaped the vaginal equivalent of a rusty bear trap - tied to a land mine.

THE SUPERFICIAL: 2008 WINNER AMERICAN GYNECOLOGICAL AND OBSTETRICAL SOCIETY AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN LADY PARTS REPORTING

I imagine you could probably fry an egg on Benji Madden’s bald Elmer Fudd head right about now. These are pics of Paris Hilton getting cozy with her ex Stavros Niarchos at a club in Miami over the weekend, according to The Sun:

Greek shipping heir Stavros - who dated Paris in 2006 - made a beeline for Paris after they both attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Miami.
A source said: ” Stavros looked thrilled to see Paris again and was spotted stroking her hair.
“They then looked deep in conversation.”

I know what some of you are thinking “Maybe they were just talking.” Really? Think about that one for a second: Who approaches Paris Hilton with the intent of hearing words come out of her mouth? I could go out back and talk to my garden hose for an hour, and it’d be a richer experience. (Read: I’d call him “Hosey.”)

Paris Hilton’s little brother Barron celebrated his birthday last night at Apple Lounge in LA. Being the bestest big sister in the whole wide world, Paris showed up to the party - but only to use it as a backdrop for her reality show Paris Hilton’s My British BFF. Jesus. It’s bad enough she leeched off her little brother, but it wasn’t even for the American version of the show. That’s a kick in the junk. Sort of like the time my dad ran over the dog on my eighth birthday. Okay, maybe it’s nothing like that time. But, while we’re on the subject, let’s agree my therapist is really the one who should “quit crying about it to hookers.”

Paris Hilton knows how to treat a BFF– she was spotted filming her show at Apple Lounge in West Hollywood. Sparkles were the order of the day (as usual)…

Paris Hilton’s new movie Repo! The Genetic Opera finally premiered last night in Vegas, and seriously, I feel like I’ve been hearing about this thing since 1986. That said, what the hell is going on with her face? Maybe it’s just a poor choice in make-up but, it’s evolving into something that ain’t quite pretty. It’s almost as if Paris Hilton is one of those mutants from X-Men, but with the uncanny ability to make my penis sob uncontrollably. Will she use her powers for good - or for evil? Stay tuned!

While in London filming Paris Hilton’s British BFF, LongLegs HerpFoot sat down for an interview with News of the World where she discussed her love life, having kids and joining forces with Katie Price:

On relationships:
“Every other guy I’ve been out with has used me for money or sex - but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people.”

On Rick Salomon:
“I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

On her future with Benji Madden:
“I’m so relieved I don’t have to think about that now because I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me. I’d love to start a family in the next year. And I want to get married before we have kids—I want three or four.”

On the Prince William rumors:
“I was sitting at my table, looked up and there was the Prince. I couldn’t believe it. People made out that he was flirting but he’s an absolute gentleman and wouldn’t do that. He just came over to introduce himself. He knew about my show and why I was in London so we talked about that for a while. He’s just a really sweet down-to-earth guy. So is Harry.”

On clubbing with Katie “Jordan” Price:
“I consider Jordan as one of my friends. A lot of people say mean things about her but there’s a lot of jealousy out there. She warned me about the hangers-on but she was like my own private bodyguard and told all of them, ‘Leave her alone!’ She was really protective. I think she’s really smart and beautiful—but we only kissed on the cheek, nothing more than that because I have a boyfriend!”

Whoa whoa whoa. Anything I say about Katie Price is not out of jealousy. If I wanted to be like her, I’ve got two beach balls and a staple gun out in my garage. Just sayin’. In the meantime, Christ! Paris wants FOUR kids?! Good game, civilization as a whole. It’s been real.