New York Yankee Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s lawyers responded to Cynthia Rodriguez’s divorce petition today. Cynthia was asking for “the couple’s $12 million waterfront estate and ‘equitable distribution’ of all assets acquired during the marriage.” Except she signed a prenup which A-Rod is sticking to. He’s also pushing to have allegations of extramarital affairs stricken from the record because Florida is a no-fault divorce state making the claims “immaterial and impertinent.” Also, he doesn’t want it legally documented that he banged Madonna. NY Daily News reports:

Rodriguez, whose 10-year, $275 million contract with the Yankees makes him baseball’s highest-paid player, says several times in the response he wants the prenup enforced.
“Husband denies any duty to support wife beyond those obligations specifically set out in the parties’ prenuptial agreement,” the papers say. What those terms are wasn’t immediately known, but apparently they don’t suit Cynthia. If he has to go to court to fight her challenge to the prenup and wins, he says he’s entitled to recover from his wife any “reasonable attorney’s fees and costs” he incurs.

It sounds like A-Rod doesn’t fuck around. Not counting all those strippers and the Crypt Keeper.

There’s been a lot of finger pointing at Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez’s extramarital activities (possibly in or around Madonna’s vagina) as the cause of his divorce. But guess again! According to his close friends, it was all Cynthia’s fault. GASP! NY Daily News reports:

“He’s had several therapists. Cynthia has a master’s degree in psychology. Once she found out how vulnerable he was, she got into his head. Several of us begged him not to marry this woman, but he did it anyway.”
“She said she wanted him to become a mainstream sports star,” says a source. “She didn’t want him typecast as a Latin player. She discouraged him from taking part in Hispanic community events.”
“She wouldn’t even let him eat Spanish food,” claims another source. “She didn’t like him hanging out with old buddies from Washington Heights.”
“He said, ‘I hate this. I want out,’ but she kept insisting they could work it out,” says a source. “After about six months of him asking for a divorce, she said it was okay for him to see other people, but she wouldn’t agree to a separation.”
Says another pal: “Cynthia brainwashed him, not Madonna.”

So, basically, Cynthia used her masters in psychology to “brainwash” A-Rod into not eating Spanish food and screwing other women. Yeah, that’s some diabolical shit. There’s nothing men hate more than avoiding spicy food and getting laid a lot. Jesus. Is there divorce finalized yet? Because I’m about to propose to this chick before Lenny Kravitz beats me to it, and then we have to guitar battle on top of a volcano. So annoying…

One of A-Rod’s stripper mistresses, Candace Houlihan of Boston (above), has come forward with her story about sleeping with the Yankee and supports Cynthia Rodriguez’s decision to kick him to the curb. The Boston Herald reports:

On A-Rod’s divorce:
“A leopard doesn’t change his spots. Good for her, I think she’s doing the smart thing. And she’ll probably get tons of cash.” She says A-Rod was a player when she met him four years ago at Fenway Park.

On hooking up with A-Rod:
Candice said she told Rodriguez she’d be at Saint after the game and sure enough, he showed up at the Back Bay club - wedding ring and all!
“It was killing me and I felt bad afterwards,” she said. “I’m not a bad person. I know how it feels to be cheated on, it sucks. But a couple of drinks later, I didn’t notice all that much, to tell you the truth.”

On the day after:
Houlihan said she and her girlfriends Googled A-Rod the next day and she was shocked to find out that his wife was pregnant with their first child.
“We were all freaking out,” she said.

There’s nothing like the bond of sisterhood between jilted ex-wife and the stripper that banged your husband. They really should make a Hallmark movie about these two and give it a dramatic title. Something that catches your eye, yet plays to housewives and the Bible. I’m thinking: “Bitches with Pythons: A Journey of Chick Stuff and Let’s Assume Cooking.”

While A-Rod’s marriage falls apart, Madonna decided it’d be a good time to issue a statement to People letting everyone know she’s going to stick with Guy Ritchie. She also apparently decided it’d be a good time to look like the bad guy from Hellboy II. I have no idea:

My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I brought my kids to a Yankee game. I am not romantically involved in any way with Alex Rodriguez. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may choose to study.”

After issuing her statement, Madonna opened her mouth and released a horde of flies throughout Lower Manhattan allowing Guy Ritchie to kidnap another black boy. Oh, sure, people say that’s David Banda, but then tell me: Who is this?! *pulls back window curtains* …. I swear to God I hid a black kid back here. I sort of “borrowed” him from the employee day care. *sniff sniff* I smell moth balls and sarcophagus funk. Madonna was here wasn’t she? Shit. I may get fired for this one. Unless… *picks up phone* Hello, Domino’s? I want a pizza with “I didn’t even know we had a day care” spelled out in pepperoni.

Cynthia Rodriquez, wife of New York Yankee Alex “A-Rod” Rodriquez, has already decided that separation is for pussies and is filing for divorce. She also wants alimony and primary custody of the children which should be fun considering she signed a pre-nup. Whoops. Her attorney Maurice Kutner broke the news to the Miami Herald:

”She feels that she has exhausted every opportunity to salvage the marriage, and that Alex has emotionally abandoned her and the children and has left her with no choice but to divorce him,” Kutner said Sunday.

Cynthia blames Madonna for this whole debacle and believes the pop singer is using her crazy kaballah magic to bend A-Rod to her will, according to NY Daily News:

“I believe he was having an affair with Madonna,” she told a friend, who spoke anonymously for fear of angering A-Rod. “She said she found a letter where Alex told Madonna: ‘You are my true soulmate.’”
“I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him,” Cynthia Rodriguez told the friend. “I don’t recognize the man he’s become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he’s very cold and calculating.”

“Sweet, beautiful, loving husband?” Last I checked, A-Rod was banging strippers before the Madonna shenanigans. I guess he must’ve been really romantic about it: “Honey, Cynthia, listen; I just want you to know you’re my one and only. Which is why I’ve gotta go out this afternoon and put my penis in a stripper. I know it’s Christmas day and all, but I promise to be home in time for supper. Now get that beautiful butt of yours on the couch and don’t have sex with Lenny Kravitz while I’m gone. Ahh, I’m kidding! But not really and I have a gun. Smooches!”

Friends of Cynthia Rodriguez have told the New York Daily News that the estranged wife of baseball star A-Rod feels he has been “brainwashed” by Madonna and the Kabbalah. There are also claims of the music star using mind-control techniques on Rodriguez to get what she wanted. Rumors have been flying lately that Madonna and Rodriguez have had an affair, leading to problems with Cynthia and Guy Ritchie respectively. However, it seems the truth is still to be found.

This has become a very confusing matter. Madonna and A-Rod share the same manager. Cynthia is spending time with “family friend”, Lenny Kravitz, who has claimed he is not having any romantic dealings with the baseball player’s wife (confused yet?). Alex’s trainer and his wife are with Cynthia and Lenny, Alex’s trainer is also the godfather of Cynthia’s daughter. Lenny Kravitz has been linked to Madonna in the past. Also, Lenny is A-Rod’s third cousin twice removed, Guy Ritchie is Cynthia’s long lost step uncle, Madonna had an affair with A-rod’s daughter’s godfather’s business partner’s brother once and Lenny really likes to eat ham and pineapple pizza on a Sunday (OK the last part might not be true).

Anyway, surely if Madonna had mind control powers, “Swept Away” would have been the highest-grossing film of all time and not a huge turkey?

Click here to see 8 pictures of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez

Alex “A-Rod” Rodriquez and his wife Cynthia (above) are officially separated, according to NY Daily News. Coming off the heels of rumors that A-Rod is having an affair with Madonna, the New York Post is also reporting Cynthia was getting her own piece of strange. And, hey, what do you know? It’s freaking Lenny Kravitz:

Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz’s pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night. Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers.
The couple’s two daughters - 3-year-old Natasha and 2-month-old Ella - remained in Miami, sources said.

Aww, that’s nice. While Mommy and Daddy are banging the celebrities of yesteryear, the kids are left with a nanny in Miami. Then again, if my dad abandoned us to nail someone famous, I’d probably understand. Except when he actually did, and it was Mrs. Butterworth’s. We had to go on food stamps, you sweet maple homewrecker!

Thanks to Merrelyn for the pic that proves A-Rod hates his penis if he chose Madonna over that. Maybe wear a helmet in the batting cages next time, champ.