Paris Hilton called into Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning to set the record straight on her relationship with Benji Madden. Supposedly, the two are “just talking a break,” and Paris hinted they could get back together, according to E! News:

“He is an incredible person, and we will always be really close,” Hilton said. “We will see what happens in the future. I am still in love with him.”
As for why they decided to go their separate ways for now…
“He has been working nonstop with his brother on his new record. I am working and traveling,” she said. “All these reports that say I dumped him aren’t true. This is a decision we made together as adults.”

The last time I was on a “break” from a relationship, I sat around in my boxers for days on end building LEGOs and watching porn. (Its been five years, but I know she’ll call me back as soon as her husband gives her the message.) I’m sure Benji Madden’s doing the same thing - or he’s frantically searching for a hooker that won’t make him wear a HAZMAT suit. I’m not a mind reader.

Fresh off his breakup with Paris Hilton, Benji Madden went out in Hollywood as a single man last night, and if I were him, I’d be grinning like I got doused in the face with Smylex gas. But probably even more so considering he just escaped the vaginal equivalent of a rusty bear trap - tied to a land mine.

THE SUPERFICIAL: 2008 WINNER AMERICAN GYNECOLOGICAL AND OBSTETRICAL SOCIETY AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN LADY PARTS REPORTING

I imagine you could probably fry an egg on Benji Madden’s bald Elmer Fudd head right about now. These are pics of Paris Hilton getting cozy with her ex Stavros Niarchos at a club in Miami over the weekend, according to The Sun:

Greek shipping heir Stavros - who dated Paris in 2006 - made a beeline for Paris after they both attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Miami.
A source said: ” Stavros looked thrilled to see Paris again and was spotted stroking her hair.
“They then looked deep in conversation.”

I know what some of you are thinking “Maybe they were just talking.” Really? Think about that one for a second: Who approaches Paris Hilton with the intent of hearing words come out of her mouth? I could go out back and talk to my garden hose for an hour, and it’d be a richer experience. (Read: I’d call him “Hosey.”)

Paris Hilton’s new movie Repo! The Genetic Opera finally premiered last night in Vegas, and seriously, I feel like I’ve been hearing about this thing since 1986. That said, what the hell is going on with her face? Maybe it’s just a poor choice in make-up but, it’s evolving into something that ain’t quite pretty. It’s almost as if Paris Hilton is one of those mutants from X-Men, but with the uncanny ability to make my penis sob uncontrollably. Will she use her powers for good - or for evil? Stay tuned!

While in London filming Paris Hilton’s British BFF, LongLegs HerpFoot sat down for an interview with News of the World where she discussed her love life, having kids and joining forces with Katie Price:

On relationships:
“Every other guy I’ve been out with has used me for money or sex - but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people.”

On Rick Salomon:
“I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

On her future with Benji Madden:
“I’m so relieved I don’t have to think about that now because I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me. I’d love to start a family in the next year. And I want to get married before we have kids—I want three or four.”

On the Prince William rumors:
“I was sitting at my table, looked up and there was the Prince. I couldn’t believe it. People made out that he was flirting but he’s an absolute gentleman and wouldn’t do that. He just came over to introduce himself. He knew about my show and why I was in London so we talked about that for a while. He’s just a really sweet down-to-earth guy. So is Harry.”

On clubbing with Katie “Jordan” Price:
“I consider Jordan as one of my friends. A lot of people say mean things about her but there’s a lot of jealousy out there. She warned me about the hangers-on but she was like my own private bodyguard and told all of them, ‘Leave her alone!’ She was really protective. I think she’s really smart and beautiful—but we only kissed on the cheek, nothing more than that because I have a boyfriend!”

Whoa whoa whoa. Anything I say about Katie Price is not out of jealousy. If I wanted to be like her, I’ve got two beach balls and a staple gun out in my garage. Just sayin’. In the meantime, Christ! Paris wants FOUR kids?! Good game, civilization as a whole. It’s been real.

Great news, everybody: Paris Hilton is still pursuing a career in music! Oh boy! Of course, I’m sure her efforts have been rejuvenated by the inexplicable airing of Heidi Montag’s singles. At any rate, Paris is currently recording a duet with her boyfriend Benji Madden, according to Hollyscoop:

Paris had recently blogged about working on a new album, but we wanted to know if her rocker beau Benji Madden would be making a cameo in it.
Paris said, “Well, actually I have a studio at the house. He [Benji] actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the BFF show. He’s a really amazing talent, songwriter and singer.”
So will there be a duet? Paris said, “Yes, definitely. When the show comes out.”

Excuse me while I contemplate chopping my ears off. I’d rather have a flaming bus enter my ear canal than listen to one note of a Paris & Benji duet. I guarantee it will sound exactly like your grandfather having sex with a synthesizer - but somehow way shittier.

Paris Hilton is back to looking fabulous after a major red carpet misstep– let’s hope that she keeps her hat on for awhile! Paris and Benji Madden were snapped here dressed in New York-appropriate black duds as they took the night off to stroll. It wasn’t all fun for them, though– Benji was in town for Good Charlotte concerts.

The two were later spotted hopping into a red Ford Explorer to make it to the night’s event in Poughkeepsie, New York.

Click Continue Reading for All 13 Thumbnails of “Paris Hilton and Benji Madden Still Coordinate Their Clothes in NYC.”

Pictures by Splash News

Benji Madden has babies on the brain and wants Paris Hilton to have some on her uterus. He talked to Ryan Seacrest today and had the following response when asked if he wants children:

“Of course when you’re that happy, you think about everything. I mean, she’s my best friend. I’ve never been so happy. Nothing worries me in life anymore. When you find that best friend, that love, all your worries kind of go away. Your work gets better and everything you do, you have someone supporting you, and she’s that for me. I’ve never been supported so much.”

Huh. Benji Madden sounds surprisingly chipper for a guy whose penis is about to evaporate in 5… 4… 3… 2…. *poof*

Benji Madden was on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show Tuesday morning and he talked about Paris, of course, and how they’ve already discussed having babies and how she’s, like, the most supportive girlfriend ever!!!!
Yeah, we’re bitter.
Gag us with their happiness!!!
“I’m so beyond happy,” says Benji. “When you’re that happy, you think about everything. She’s my [...]